Yesterday we spent a gloriously sunny day at the Farmer’s Market. We have been faithfully attending the market every weekend since we arrived, and on our fourth Sunday in Thoiry we were finally rewarded with blue skies and sunshine. We were also delighted to find delicious, fresh cherries at the market. Unfortunately, cherries are like nature’s practical joke on children (and parents) because they are so scrumptious, yet so difficult for those under the age of six to eat. First, there is the cherry pit that so vexes my girls. Emma is incapable of spitting out the pit without losing the rest of the fruit, and Maggie cannot be trusted, if she had her own way she would eat the cherries whole, stem and all. That leaves me to somehow pit cherries by hand, staining my fingertips and losing my sanity in the process. Second, once we have solved the pit problem, there is the matter of finding cherry juice stains on every item of clothing that the girls were wearing. Pants, shirts, socks, underwear (pretty sure that Emma, while wearing a dress, sat on multiple cherries yesterday), nothing was spared the stain stick.
After we had devoured a bushel of cherries, the girls hit the playground while we relaxed with a cafe au lait at the Boulanger in the center of town. Truth be told, I relaxed and Jim chased after Maggie and supervised Emma as she attempted to play with her very large sword in the very small enclosed playground area. (I am not sure if Emma’s method of sword play is up to Medieval standards. She tends to use the sword as a prop in some sort of knightly interpretive dance. Though she truly doesn’t mean to cause bodily injury, innocent bystanders are often poked or slashed by one of her dramatic arm flairs.) Jim worked overtime to help me realize my dream of sipping coffee at a sidewalk cafe. He is a good man.
While I was sunning myself, pretending that the howling child trying to climb up the slide did not share my DNA, I partook in my favorite pass time, people watching. I was especially interested in a group of locals gathered at a table not far from mine. They were joyfully throwing back every drink imaginable, coffee, tea, beer, wine, and enthusiastically chatting. It was quite a jolly group. I watched as a man joined the party, he confidently strode up to the table and began kissing all of the women hello. This was quite a project because there were five women in the group and he kissed each of them three times. Fascinated, I counted cheek smooches as he swept through the crowd like a kissing bandit. Kiss, kiss, kiss, move on to the next woman, kiss, kiss, kiss, and so on. Now, I know that I am in Europe and cheek kissing is a common form of greeting. I even think it is acceptable in parts of the United States, although possibly not in the restrained culture of New England where I grew up. (Can’t quite picture a group of Brady and Welker clad Pats fans kissing each other hello in the Gillette parking lot.) What mystified me was not the act of cheek kissing, but the number of cheek kisses the bandit doled out. Why three? I have seen people exchange one kiss, or two, but never three.
Surprisingly, google knew just what I was talking about when I searched on “French cheek kissing.” There is a plethora of information on how, when, and who to faire la bise. Apparently, as a foreign man, Jim is completely off the hook, no one would expect him to kiss hello. He can stick to a tried and true, firm American handshake. I, however, may be called upon to deliver or receive a few kisses as my circle of French friends broadens. Luckily, I found this trusty map online that clearly shows how many kisses are expected in different regions of France. Some areas of France are stingy with their kisses, and the offer of one cheek would suffice. In other parts of the country it is acceptable to exchange up to five kisses. I knew this was a passionate country, but oh my! Upon closer inspection I found that my region (or where I think my region is, I am somewhat geographically challenged) is shown to be a two kiss area. But I clearly saw the bandit administer three kisses to each lady at the table. Was he a rogue smoocher, stealing extra kisses from unsuspecting companions?
Further research led me to an old article from the London Times (apparently I am not the only person utterly confused by French kissing customs.) Unfortunately, the article did not offer any definitive answers to the faire la bise dilemma. It seems that kissing customs can differ not only from region to region, but within regions as well. People may kiss differently in urban versus rural areas. Social status may also affect the number of kisses planted on a person. Well, I am pretty sure I have zero to sub-zero social status, and I live in a rural area, but very close to the big city of Geneva. What does this mean for me? Maybe I should begin taking a poll at the Farmer’s Market next Sunday. (Bonjour! Je suis Maura. Would you rather I kissed you or shook your hand? And, how many kisses would you like?) I guess, for now I will continue to hold out my hand when I meet people, and pray that they don’t lean in for a kiss. Also, I may need a few more sunny Sundays to sip cafe au lait, ignore my children, and conduct this important sociological research.
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“Combien de Bises” Map from Gilles Bunnes (http://combiendebises.free.fr/)
Customarily French people, for most part, kiss 2 times. Swiss and Dutch almost always kiss 3 times. I agree the third one is always a bit puzzling as you usually end up kissing in the air or moving away your head while someone is trying to kiss you and ends up where they didn’t intend. That feeling is also felt when you’re French and you meet people that kiss only once or not at all. You tapped in a very funny subject. First time I read your post, I like it. I’ll be back for more!
Thanks for reading! I have yet to have my first “French kiss” but I am sure when it happens it will be awkward and will provide me with more blog fodder.
I enjoyed reading this blog on “French kissing.” We are a family with two small children traveling through Europe. I feel your pain on the cherry issue.
I’ll enjoy looking through your other blog posts if I ever get caught up on my own. 😉
For the record, while I have had my first “French kiss,” I totally flubbed it. Here’s how it went down: I moved in for a hug (being raised in the South, a totally normal thing to do), my host, presuming I was moving in for “the kiss,” had a totally different vision and, being unexpectedly propelled toward the back of my head by my boisterous affection, ended up eating my hair. Realizing my awkward error, I attempted a tactical correction for the second kiss, which was already underway before I really knew what was happening, but still managed to misfire altogether… Almost as awkward as my first real kiss.
We’ll be in France for almost 6 more weeks; If I ever get another kiss, I’ll be ready.
Thanks for reading! I haven’t yet had my first official “french kiss,” I’ve just spent a great deal of time worrying about it. Maybe I, too, can learn from your mistake! Enjoy your travels. I look forward to checking out your blog!
I would have no problem with beautiful French women kissing me, “french style” or not.. lol
In my travels through France, I was told that it depends on how well you knew the person. For the most part in Picardie — where I was — it was two bises, one for each cheek, but as I grew more familiar with some of the people there it went up to two on each side.
And yes, going around to “faire la bise” is time consuming! But what a wonderful greeting nevertheless!
Happy travels!
I love fresh cherries! Can’t wait till we get some here.
Love the article. As an expat myself I know how it feels to be baffled by new customs. I like the cheek kissing though. It’s better then the ‘cold stare’ you get from Swedes 😉
Fresh cherries are possibly the best (fruit) treat on earth! It has been interesting sorting out the culture here. I am lucky that kissing (along with binging on chocolate, cheese, and wine) is the only strange custom I have run into. Thanks so much for reading!
hi… i like your article, i have just known that french cheek kissing is one way to greet people.
i won’t happen in my country, if i do that my boyfriend will kill me ha ha ha
Congratulations on making freshly pressed!
That chart is really useful; I’ve never run into a fiver but three is pretty standard amongst the French and Italians I know.
Thanks for the congrats! I can’t believe it myself. I think a fiver would be a pretty incredible greeting to witness, let alone be the recipient of.
saw your blog on the front page of wordpress today – love your writing!! made me laugh out loud (and want to visit france again)
kate
Thanks for the kind words! You should visit France again, I’ve only been here a month, but I can find no fault in all the kissing, cheese, chocolate, and wine!
[…] Neat graphic demonstrates the customary number of cheek kisses given in each region of France. Mastering the Art of French cheek Kissing « Pardon my French. Posted in: culture, france, images ← du_b Be the first to start a […]
Very sweet and cute! I love people watching with my teenagers then creating stories of what we think is happening based on those involved reactions. Keep on writing! Blessings! Heather
I was directed here by the WordPress “Freshly Pressed” feature, and I’m in love already. I can’t wait to keep up with your adventures! Your writing is just lovely.
Haha.. Very interesting! I really liked your post. Makes me wanna do some research too! 🙂
I found humor in this story! My mother is from LaFere, France and I have witnessed this kissing fiasco all my life. I never understood it myself but went through the motions just the same. Customs are unique sociological ways that are always sure to leave intrigue in the mind. I hope you are enjoying your travels.
Nancy Jo
Wow! Look at you, Freshly Pressed! Congrats! I love that map you found. I’m gonna put it on the website I have for my French students. It’s so funny, this “bise” business. I always go for two, but very often if I’m greeting someone not from Paris they’ll lean in for an extra one or two and they always say, “C’est 3 chez moi” or “C’est 4 chez moi”! Always very friendly and with a smile, happy to teach the American something new. My Parisian friends say that more than 2 is very “provincial”, or in other words, country-bumpkin(ish). Funny stuff. Great post!!
loved this, thank you for the great post! I occasionally see men in Canada try to pull this multiple-kiss thing off… and fail awkwardly…. they just don’t have that French “je ne sais quoi”! Except it seems to work for the quebecois. I tend to use the one-cheek, combined with close hug method of a happy greet. It seems to just be more comfortable to do it with female strangers (more physically comfortable with close contact, male strangers get awkward and try to make this sexual ), and with both male and female friends.
Silly Canadians…. We could probably use more kisses in our lives.
Well done for getting into Freshly Pressed. I did a post on the kissing subject on my own blog as part of a series on French social customs. From my 13 years of experience in France, it’s mostly 2, 3 if you’re from the Aveyron and 4 for Parisians. I love the map – how on earth did they compile it?!
First time reader here, but I really enjoyed stubbling upon this little window into French kissing and people watching -which I enjoy doing with my friends as well 🙂 I really did enjoy this post & I’ll be happy to see what else awaits. Keep up the great posts!
Two here (Isere), generally starting on the left for some reason. Mother in law does three, but since she was born in Algeria, brought up in Provence and now lives in Sussex, she probably doesn’t know which way is up any more.
Lovely! So lovely! I’m American and I have a little way of hugging and saying, “kiss-kiss!” when I greet close friends and close family.
And then, I have Johnny-come-lately Anglophile-Francophile relatives who now greet others with cheek kisses – sigh – hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I think they think they are trendy-cool.
Enjoy France! Nice blog!
Kids are so funny! Mind you, I think I’d have cherry stains everywhere, too!
I didn’t realize there were specifications for cheek kissing, I always thought it was simply two! Learn something new every day (:
Interesting. In Poland and Russia people kiss three times. However, I found out that in pre-war Yugoslavia it could be perceived as a sort of a national manifestation. Those who were Catholic used to kiss twice and those who belonged to the Orthodox Church kissed three times – hence, Serbs kissed three times and Croats and/or Slovenes kissed twice.
However, it doesn’t have any meaning of that kind in other Eastern European countries. Poles are mainly Catholic and they kiss three times – like Russians, who are Orthodox.
I lived in Antibes (between Cannes and Nice) for three years. It was a very cosmopolitan place with people from all over the world and all over France.
The norm for cheek kisses was generally one on each side, but I knew I’d really arrived when the French started giving me FOUR as a normal greeting!
I, too, grew up in New England. In fact few can trace their families further back than I can (1630s on BOTH SIDES) where a single quick peck was the most you could expect. If you live in France and get accepted by the locals you’re going to find it very awkward when you get back to the single peck because you’re going to be trying to give out the second, third or even fourth and the recipients just won’t get it.
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Aheehaw. It comes from when the cheese makers would carry cheese on their shoulders. The smell of ripe cheese could be on either side or on both, depending upon how busy they had been, so in days gone by they would sniff the shoulder to gauge how busy they were. Sniffing the shoulder wasnt a very affectionate gesture so it soon evolved into a kiss on the cheek. (Incidentally the high levels of garlic and (YES!) cheese in the diet have always prevented the french from kissing on the lips as a greeting).
congrats on being posted on Freshly Pressed! Very interesting (and funny) observance. Sadly, I’ve never been to Europe but plan on visiting next year, and this blog will pop back in my mind the first time I see the french (cheek) kissing.
A good friend of mine found your blog recently and thought I might enjoy it since I studied abroad for three months last year in Grenoble, France. I miss it terribly!
I can identify with the bisous confusion. While visiting at a small church in the Alps, a Swiss young man was giving farewell bisous (3 of them) to about four of us girls and with each girl he would blush a deeper red. I still laugh about that one.
I love that map! When I lived in France (many years ago), I was confused by the whole kissing thing, too. I was living in Paris, and the number of kisses seemed to depend on a)how well I knew the other person, b)how well that other person wanted to know me, c)the age of the other person. With most people, I definitely moved from a 2-cheeker to a 3-cheeker by the end of my time in France. But there were a handful of 4-cheekers and a few notable 5-cheekers. My French teacher told me that was absurd and that I had every right to back off after three or four.
I have to say, I like the kissing. I think it’s sweet. In my current job, we have many people from other countries, and I’ve found that our Middle Eastern, Mexican and Central American students are big cheek kissers, too (most go for two, a few for three). I haven’t noticed this spilling over to the Asian students, though.
Great post!
When I lived in Paris we kissed 2, 3, 4 times depending on the relationship with the person we were kissing. It is confusing.
I rather enjoyed the jocularity and candid sincerity of this post. I’ve always been intrigued by the customs and traditions of Europeans. It was a pleasure reading your insights and peculiar observations on .
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Congratulations on being featured on Freshly Pressed…Cheers!
Bises!
I would say two kisses then run.
Make sure you don’t get that awkward kiss on the lips from an unexpected smooch headed for your cheek as you turn. Your partner might not like that one!
Brilliant effort getting into freshly pressed. Fantastic job!
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i love cherries….
nice blog cool….
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I found your blog via Freshly Pressed. I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for all things French ever since I studied abroad there last year. It sounds like you’re having a great adventure over there. I hope you don’t mind if I tag along for the ride–I miss France a lot. A whole lot.
Saw your article in the wordpress home. Good article! Made me laugh and enriched me about french kissing .
This reminds me of a movie where Liv Tyler acted, can’t remember the name, though. The map you provided is very interesting.
Keeo up the good work and keep posting such works now and then.
Great post! I can’t help but notice that (almost) everyone has commented on the kissing and forgotten about the cherries! I am lucky to have inherited an old cherry pitter from my grandmother, but a quick search on Google Images found a couple of modern ones too…if the “oxo” brand is available in France they have one that comes complete with a nifty little bucket to catch the pits! It might not solve the staining problem, but at least it will make pitting them easier 🙂
Thanks for the cherry pitter info. I will definitely look into buying one of those. Thanks for reading!
Yes well at least the rules in France (3 kisses) and Spain (2 kisses) are clear- in the UK one is constantly confused- there are no rules!!!1 or 2 kisses??? No kisses??Has led to many a embarrasing moment…
Congrats on making freshlypressed! Wonderful post and I can totally relate – Arabs do the kissing thing, too. Imagine having to figure out if one should kiss only on one side and how many, 5 or more; both sides 2 or 3 times; or just a handshake? The cherry juice altercation brings back memories of my kids’ eating experiences. If it can stain, it will be on everything!!! Very enjoyable reading.
Congrats on the freshly pressed. Was a great read and I look forward to checking out the rest of your blog 🙂
In Luxembourg it is 3 kisses, but the country is full of people from everywhere so it is rather tricky…The only important thing is to start on the “proper” side – the right side – otherwise you end up kissing them on the mouth, and that is awkward. And you don’t really touch the cheek with your lips, it’s more of an air-kiss with a slight skin-touch, and for God’s sake, don’t ever grab them for a hug! Go with the flow, but always, always start on the RIGHT side! 🙂
Ha ha. Really interesting reading.. let me tell you from an Australian perspective, we almost never do kiss, kiss. It’s a very male handshake. In fact it’s not unusual to shake then hand of a lady when being introduced. How odd.. and standoff-ish. (Maybe that’s why depression is such a common thing) I much prefer the continental european way of things, now i’m living here. Good luck in France!
It looks like you will be having some hard time catching up with all those great comments you are receiving:) Loved your post; no wonder freshly pressed put your your blog out there:)) I can’t live without the kissing thing now but I remember how awkward it felt at the beginning when I first started hanging otu with foreignors – Italians, French, etc. We Bulgarians never kiss.. I don’t know why but we are kind of cold when it comes to this.. showing feelings and emotions seem odd. (Not to me just to mention, I’ve become quite different) So you would see how an Italian is approaching the Bulgarian to kiss them three times and the Bulgarian will jump backwards wondering what the heck is going on, haha 🙂
This is why life is funny though:)
Congrats once again for the cool post!
Thanks for all the kind words. I, too, come from a region where kissing is just not done. I think it may take some getting used to, but I agree it is a very nice custom. Thank you for reading!
Great stuff. I came across some other good information on French kissing here
Thanks for reading and for sharing!
I am not sure if Emma’s method of sword play is up to Medieval standards. She tends to use the sword as a prop in some sort of knightly interpretive dance. Though she truly doesn’t mean to cause bodily injury, innocent bystanders are often poked or slashed by one of her dramatic arm flairs.
Sounds like quite a sight… swords make wonderful props for interpretive dance.
Thanks for the link. I am definitely going to show Emma that video, it combines the two things she currently loves, swords and dancing!
I think whoever has come close to the French or lived there, has at least a dozen anecdotes to tell about the little kisses!
Living for a decade in different regions in Poitou-Charentes,
I still failed to understand the rules of ‘la bise’ and just made up my own. Coming from Northern Europe, I could not perceive kissing colleagues at work and reserved it for my friends and their family members only, and ‘une seule’ ! Thank you. (I don’t mind a good hug from time to time)
I’ve also been told, at least for that region, that kissing culture change over time and that the generation under 30 seems to be more into it – increasing the number of occasions and kisses.
Ooh, under 30…I’m reluctant to admit my age, but perhaps I will be spared any flagrant kissing 🙂
nice blog very informative
Thanks for reading!
Nice…all that matters is that we express ourselves, if it calls for kissing anywhere, one should be up for it!